--Crying for you-
by: Kody

I sit here crying
I feel like dying
For all those feelings held inside
So many holes felt deep within
Why do I feel so fucking thin?
I feel like nothing,
Just emptiness, and hurt inside
Why dont I just run and hide?
And if I did, who would care?
This shits too much for me to bare
Why cant I feel this thing I need?
I feel like I just want to BLEED!
And when I break, what will you do?
-or does my suffering mean nothing to you?-
why would it matter? Why should you care?
Its not something you needed to bare
Ill move on, my scars will heal
After all, we no deal…
-love for you, and none for me-
but impossible for you to see
is me here crying, forever frying,
for im in hell, and I AM DYING
All those feelings, held inside
I think Ill just run and hide
I wonder, if someone will say
"what happened to him, on that day?"
Falling through this downward spiral
I feel sick, I feel so vile
When will this pain go away?
I want to end this shit today
I want to leave, I want to die,
But im here…so….I cry

--Everything in nothingness-
by: Kody

when there is nothing, my mind is free
and that is everything, I want to be
ive felt love, ive felt hurt
but now all I feel, are holes in my heart
if I find love, like before
id rather stay hidden behind this door
but is there was something better for me,
better than y nothingness sanctuary
it might be worth staying, here in this wourld
but until then, ill be in my head
lying unconscious on the bed.
Escape to nothingness, the downward spiral
A place of darkness, death, and denial
But within this place, is another in me
Where everything is nothing…my mind is free
Fee to wander, free to be
everything as nothing, inside of me
everything in nothingness, where everything is meaningless
and all that matters, is simply….nothingness

--This world saddens me-
by: Kody

I look around, but don't understand
What it is, that I have found
What has happened so recently?
Or maybe… its just me..,
Maybe ive just opened my eyes
Looked away from the skies
And down to this earth, full of hurt
And saw whats happening all around
Lying naked on the ground
Vulnerable, weak, and misconceived
Waiting for someone, to help me
Back to my feet, so I can awake
And face the day…
Im not sure who I am today…
Or why im here… or even… where…
I try so desperately to find
Something that can ease my mind
But its hard, cuz all I find
Lost love, betrayal, and hurt inside
I wonder if theres anyone there
Who would share this burden I bare
Without asking my soul in return
I wish that I didn't need
To feel something, NOT to bleed
Confused misunderstanding
Of whatever is happening
Why must you die, to ever be?
I now know why, this world saddens me…

--Feel-
by: Kody

How can you tell if you love someone?
I know I feel, but do I feel what I know?
I know I have feelings, I can feel them inside
But what are they saying?
Am I misunderstanding?
Or should I not worry
And let it work itself out?
I make decitions, but are they right?
Or is ther not really any wrong, or right?
Merely choices that shape your life
Ive made such decisions, but who will be hurt?
And will I be happy?… oh wait, I don't care
As long as someone I love is there…


--Who is me?-

Who is I?
I is me..
Or at least
I want to be
Free to be
Who is me
Free to love
Free to think
Free to believe
What I want to believe
And someday be
With another being
Who, just maybe
Wants to be, with me…
Who is me?
I is me…
I am Kody

--She deserves better-

I cant believe he doesn't care
I give her flowers and play with her hair
He just watches like he doesn't care
I held her hand, as we 3 walked down the hall
I know, soon ill tell her, ive begun to fall
I feel like shes stuck with someone
I know he loves her, and I know she love him
But what if this was something better?
Would it be worth it, to give her that letter?
I guess for now, ill just have to wait
Resist temptation to take her away
Maybe someday, ill call her mine
Perhaps, even happiness, maybe ill find
She deserves better
Not that im anything special
But at least I would SHOW her, how much I loved her
Unlike another, who can only tell her
And is letting her, be stolen away
Maybe this bullshit will end today, maybe ill tell her…
Anyways, all I know is, that she deserves better


--HER <never again>--

I saw her 3 times today
But all I did was smile and wave
No more pain, no more hurt
I think to day, was the first
Time that I, could pass her by
Without all the stitches coming out
And my heart, once again, falling apart
But with you on my mind,
What she did that time
Seems so meaningless inside
Its such a nice feeling, just, not caring
Things in the past, are now lessons learned
This that happened so fast, but are now in the past,
The feelings for her, I knew would last
But now there gone, and im awake
I no longer feel, completely fake
Or empty, or even hurt,
I think today,
IVE FIANNALY GOTTEN OVER…HER…

--Thinking-

I have no right to feel what I feel
I feel like I just want to steal
Her away, and never return
Just look at him, he hasn't earned
The right to touch her, the way he does
Why do I feel these feelings of love
Only for the ones I can never have…?
But that's just me… that's how I find
The ones that I want to be mine
But its me, so I can wait
But I don't know why I cant take
Her a away and go somewhere
Or maybe we.. could disappear
All alone, for eternity
But im not that lucky, its not me
Im just the one that's supposed to be
Happy, cheerful, smiling
Its so hard to understand
What an imperfect soul can
Do to change this fucked up world
Just to be remembered…

--Writing again-

I cant belive ive picked up this pen
Ready to pour my soul on this paper again
Its been so long that it feels wrong
Ive missed so many thoughts of mine
Some that I will never find
Im glad, I guess, but it has changed
The way I see, the way I percive
Even the way, I feel, I think
But when I write, it makes me belive
That possibly, happiness, CAN come for me
…..someday at least……sooommedayyyy….

--Mmis-

my mind is somewhere
but its not here in my head
oh wait, I found it…
its there in my heart
.

.

--Welcome to my Head--
by: Kody

Where to start? I just don't know,
Theres so much for me to show.
Many years of pain
Confusion, loss, emptiness, and shame…
But I guess im the only one to blame
Them again, without these times,
We wouldn't be the people we are today.
But all those times, and these cheap rhymes
Are all I have, in which to pay
To wash all of my sins away.

Unique morals and stories untold
From an imperfect soul
In a desperate attempt to be…
Remembered for all that he…
Was, and wants to be.

These are merely words to the world
From within its grasp, a single soul.
So open your mind, and look into mine
I hope you find what you wanted to find…
WELCOME TO MY HEAD

--He holds you-
by: Kody

I cant stand to see
Him in my place
It kills me
That smile on your face
I want to take you
And call you mine again
What is it exactly
That makes you want him?

I remember I was happy once…
With you by my side…

Now you act like you can hide
Everything you felt inside
The words you told me,
were they ALL lies?
So much pain, for a single gain
Why must you play this fucking game?
You've left a hole that will never heal
If only I, could let you feel
Exactly what you've done…
But im crying now, so fuck it… im done

--Cant feel-
by: Kody

I don't understand
Why I cant feel,
My heart is numb,
My body, weak.
I wish I could
just go to sleep,
and never wake
for when I do,
my life is hell,
and I cant feel you

--But shes not mine-
by: Kody

Ive found something that stops the pain
When shes near, life seems perfect
…but shes not mine…
Shes held by another
What will happen? what should I do?
When shes gone, I fall again..
Into my hell, my head, one in the same
But for WHAT??
So I can attempt to forever run from the
hurt I have felt once and again, forever
In fear of the feeling called love?
Its slowly taking me apart, the
Echoing sound of pain, and lies
Pounding on my head until I want to break…
…She makes it all go away…
…She's within my grasp…
…But…she's not mine…

--Simple Feelings-
by: Kody

Free falling into darkness,
Fighting for that ultimate feeling.
I try, but fail to find that
Final moment of eternal happiness
that is forever slipping through my fingers

Further down the spiral,
Falling far from where I want to be
But now, I find something new,
Simple feeling for a single soul…
But with head spinning and heart racing,
I cant help but fear what
simple feelings can turn into…

--Questions-
by: Kody

when will it end?
This meaningless passing of time
Keeps eating away at my mind.
When will I leave?
This life is so depressing
And yet theres still this one thing…
But why do I feel this way?
I wish I could run away
And leave this sad place today
But why do feel this is wrong?
Could there be something
Left for me to do?
But what the fuck?
I feel like im falling apart
And soon ill have nothing left in my heart
What have I done to myself?
What have I become?
And will I ever find out why
I feel so dead inside?
Well, I don't know why,
But all I CAN do,
Is live, love, and die.

--The Heartless-
by: Kody

The best at lying
Forever dying
Never crying
Always killing
They live a life of lies
To get inside your mind
And make you them as this thing
That you must have to feel whole
You wont know,
Until you've died
That they cannot love,
Or even feel, love inside…
For they are nothing more than…
The heartless
When your in pain,
The'll take it away
But just leave emptiness inside
Then they drop you, run and hide
Leaving nothingness inside
Because of them, I have died
So this is just a warning
To anyone whos urning
For someone just to hold them.
Just be sure you know them
Before you fall for them
For there the best at lying
And forever dying
They don't think once,
Of who there killing
For they don't feel…
Anything…..ever…

--Tired-
by: Kody

I lay in bed, wide awake
Fear that someone is going to take
You away and ill never see,
Your pretty face next to me
I want to sleep
I want to dream
But for tonight, ill just ScReeeaaMM!!!!
My mind wont stop
To me it seems,
That everything important
Is stolen from me
I wish my brain
Could just shut down…
IM GOING INSANE!
Lying in bed, beating my head
Against the wall, maybe ill fall
Into a deep sleep, and never wake…
Thatd be great!
…but now im bleeding, and the wall is stained
I wish I were dreaming..
DAMN SHEEP! YOUR ALL FIRED!
FucK!….Im tired

--Happy?-
by: Kody

Its Christmas time!
YAY! Presents!….
Um… was there some other point
to this time of year?
I don't know, and don't care,
Cuz this year, all I want, is a little cheer
I've been so miserable, all this year
Stupid feeling, pointless tears,,,
I wonder if maybe… I could be happy?
Even a day, I'd feel lucky
My heart is broken, can it heal?
I wonder if someday, ill be able to feel
Anything but sadness, this coming year?
-Happy? Not yet, but maybe someday…-
I hope to find someone who'll help me awake
From this second fall into darkness, fake
This worlds so old, it feels unreal
I want a new world, with new faces
A new home, and new places..
-Happy? …Not yet, but hopefully soon…-

.

.

I died once (part1)
By: Kody

I fell from the sky and on to the ground. When I opened my eyes, there was black all around. In the distance three figures. Three stages of life. A small boy played alone inside of his mind. A teen dressed in black, contemplates suicide. And a man standing motionless stared into my eyes. I tried to approach, but I couldn't move, so I called out, and the young boy arose. He held out his hand. He said "come with me". So I took a step forward… A flash of light, blinded my eyes, and when my sight returned, I saw the skies of a place long forgotten in the back of my mind. The boy was gone, but I felt he was near. For there was something about him, something I feared. My feet were as boulders, so I looked all around. I called out to the boy, but made no sound. Suddenly, I saw him, "what took you?", but I could only reply "who are you?" "where can I" and "why and I here?" He told me, "your lost inside of your mind" You're here to decipher this life of lies… and who am I? Who are you? And who's that boy with the knife?… the truth is , were all part of this fucked up life. With that, he was gone, and again, there was black. Two figures remain, a teen and a man.
.

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