Read it and shit.... and you shall get 3 wishes....
actually your more lilely to have your head explode...
lets just hope for that, ok kiddies?
It was Ricky's first day at Boxing School. It was here that he was
taught to assemble and pack boxes for Earnest Adam's Food and Auto
Ricky didn?t come correctly equipped for class today and got in a
shit, resulting immediately in a school detention. Detention wasn't
it was better than Maurihau High's punishment system, (they put the
students into a small glass container and fill it full of milk then
pour the milk into their coffees).
Boxing School was in this huge building, it looked somewhat like a
cardboard box none the less.
Ricky walked into class, everyone put down their gluesticks and craftknives
and looked strangely at Ricky. Then one of them, a particularly ugly
called Bruce Bastardcunt got angry at Ricky for being ill prepared
learning and ripped all of Ricky's clothes off, all but his boxers
" Happy New Year!".
Feeling rather bare, Ricky grabbed a nearby cardboad box someone had
assembled and covered himself the best he could, but failing as he
that the glue on the box hadn't dried and it was falling off him!
Ricky was now angry, standing in a puddle of glue in his boxershorts
in front of millions!
Angry as he was, Ricky grabbed a craftknife and rammed it into a cardboard
box, he stabbed the box over and over and over again until it was
no more than
shredded brown paper, (which made a lovely soup for lunch!)
The teacher tried to stop him but was unsuccessful as Ricky cut him
well. He poured all the pieces of teacher-mash and all the shredded
into a big vat and set it on his handy pocket-gas-cooker.
After an hour or two of stirring the big human-mash-soup, ricky spread
all over his body as attempted clothing.
It was good coverage, temporarily, soon the rats came swarming, they
Ricky's new clothes and his boxer shorts as well, exposing nothing
The class screamed, a girl fainted and someone took a photo.
Ricky smiled and pranced out of class, fortunately finding a pair
of trousers on the way out.
He was running through the bus exchange to catch the 46 Shirley home,
stopping on the way to play in the sandpit in the park.
Skipping back home, Ricky almost fell over Ash, sitting on the side
road, painting rude words on someone's car door with sweet chilli
Ash stood up and then sat back down and then screamed, "I HAVE
Ash screamed it so loudly that Ricky kicked her and she exploded,
world-wide epidemic of tsunamis and earthquakes and volcanic eruptions
scientifical things that take too long to type.
Somehow everyone died but Ricky, who skipped the rest of the way home
made himself a ham sandwich..... (with 30% REAL HAM!)
And then he got angry and exploded as well, killing anything that
the first time.
Another useless story from the mind of a mongoloid.
Yet another amazing story
It was a freezing June evening, although it was a bit too warm to
Brian was sitting in his bedroom in his y-fronts, eating an ice-cream
pondering the happenings of the day. He was pondering so hard, he
pondered and pondered. But there was something missing in Brian's
brain. Suddenly an old man burst in through the window and hit Brian
right on the back of the head with a cardboard box. Brian was in shock,
his head lashed forwards and buried itself in his ice-cream!! He tried
to breathe but ice-cream was blocking his nostrils. Brian hurriedly
tried to get oxygen but the more he struggled to get the ice-cream
out of his nose the more he sniffed it up. Finally Brian passed out
from lack of oxygen and superfluous amounts of ice-cream.
The old man with the cardboard box folded Brian up and sealed him
inside the box.
He carried Brian out the window in the box and brought him to his
At exactly 2250 hours on sunday the 4th of Spangletober, Brian awoke
with his brain in a glass next to him, it was a rather large glass
and an even larger brain and it slopped down the side and stuck out
the top of the glass.
In came Hitler, dragging his Third Reich on the floor behind him.
It was getting frayed and tatty looking. He opened a slot in Brian's
head and shoved his large brain into his head. Brian tried to
sit up but quickly took note of the steel clamp holding his head down.
Hitler strode over and laid a soft and well-moisturised hand on Brian's
knee. Brian noticed this as he recognised the smell from a brand of
personal hygiene-products from Wal-Mart.
As Hitler ran his smoothened hand across Brian's kneecap, Brian realised
that hitler was dressed like an overpaid prostitute. His hair was
all teased out and his square moustache was extra squared and smoothed
down with saliva and old food scraps.
Hitler leaned in to Brian's ear and whispered, "Most people don't
realise that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown
and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child
look like a deer". Brian thought this was ridiculous. he yelled
at Hitler, "I KNOW YOU SHAVE YOUR PUBIC HAIR!! I HAVE SEEN YOU!
IT'S ALL OVER MY BATHROOM FLOOR YOU IMBECILE"! Hitler took
great offence to this and bit Brian right on the knee. Brian winced
in pain as Hitler dug in his sharply filed teeth. He bit deeper
and deeper until he bit a large chunk off Brian's knee and put it
on a small gas cooker that he pulled out of the breast pocket of his
Brian screamed and lashed out but was only reassured by the steel
Hitler continued this "indecent act" and then cut the knee-part
in half and fed some to his Third Reich- who was lying on the floor
next to him moaning and howling like a dying dog.
After this desecration of the human body, Hitler placed a rug on the
floor and perched on it in a meditative state. Brian started to sweat
because he could see down Hitler's skirt and the steel clamps wouldn't
let his head move and he had no where else that he could possibly
look! So he was sweating. It was getting rather hot in those clamps
and y-fronts. Brian was heating up too much, his skin was starting
to burn slightly but the odd thing was that the steel that he was
held by was starting to melt!! As the steel dripped off him like water
off a duck's back, Brian sat up, and clicked his neck and put on a
pair of Dickies Pants that just happened to be sitting there next
to him. Hitler stood up amidst his meditation and shrieked like a
child. He ran up some handy stairs to his right and locked himself
outside the room.... into the windowless bathroom. Unfortunately for
Hitler that particular windowless bathroom was currently aflame, someone
had filled the room with body spray and lit it alight.
Brian noticed the old man with the cardboard box up a flight of stairs
to his right and he picked up a piece of chocolate that was next to
his foot- (Strangely!) and ran up to the old man with the cardboard
box. The old man disappeared down a long corridor and Brian chased
him. He felt like Alice chasing the white rabbit down the tunnel.
Brian noticed pictures on the walls as he ran after this old man.
Some of these pictures were words or numbers like "666"
and "stab"... just random shit.
Brian noticed that he had been chasing the old man in a big circle
for 16 hours and that he actually had no need to chase him and that
he had ran past an exit door over 1400 times.
Brian walked over to the exit door and jumped. He landed in a big
bowl of strawberry jelly (and coloured sprinkles as well) and fell
asleep and lived happily ever after in strawberry Jelly Land.