Read it and shit.... and you shall get 3 wishes....
actually your more lilely to have your head explode...
lets just hope for that, ok kiddies?

From Mashish

It was Ricky's first day at Boxing School. It was here that he was to be
taught to assemble and pack boxes for Earnest Adam's Food and Auto Co.
Ricky didn?t come correctly equipped for class today and got in a heap of
shit, resulting immediately in a school detention. Detention wasn't so bad,
it was better than Maurihau High's punishment system, (they put the bad
students into a small glass container and fill it full of milk then pour the milk into their coffees).
Boxing School was in this huge building, it looked somewhat like a cardboard box none the less.
Ricky walked into class, everyone put down their gluesticks and craftknives
and looked strangely at Ricky. Then one of them, a particularly ugly student
called Bruce Bastardcunt got angry at Ricky for being ill prepared for
learning and ripped all of Ricky's clothes off, all but his boxers that said
" Happy New Year!".
Feeling rather bare, Ricky grabbed a nearby cardboad box someone had tidily
assembled and covered himself the best he could, but failing as he realised
that the glue on the box hadn't dried and it was falling off him!
Ricky was now angry, standing in a puddle of glue in his boxershorts in front of millions!
Angry as he was, Ricky grabbed a craftknife and rammed it into a cardboard
box, he stabbed the box over and over and over again until it was no more than
shredded brown paper, (which made a lovely soup for lunch!)
The teacher tried to stop him but was unsuccessful as Ricky cut him up as
well. He poured all the pieces of teacher-mash and all the shredded paper
into a big vat and set it on his handy pocket-gas-cooker.
After an hour or two of stirring the big human-mash-soup, ricky spread it
all over his body as attempted clothing.
It was good coverage, temporarily, soon the rats came swarming, they ate up
Ricky's new clothes and his boxer shorts as well, exposing nothing but
The class screamed, a girl fainted and someone took a photo.
Ricky smiled and pranced out of class, fortunately finding a pair of trousers on the way out.
He was running through the bus exchange to catch the 46 Shirley home,
stopping on the way to play in the sandpit in the park.
Skipping back home, Ricky almost fell over Ash, sitting on the side of the
road, painting rude words on someone's car door with sweet chilli sauce.
Ash stood up and then sat back down and then screamed, "I HAVE SARS!"
Ash screamed it so loudly that Ricky kicked her and she exploded, causing a
world-wide epidemic of tsunamis and earthquakes and volcanic eruptions and
scientifical things that take too long to type.
Somehow everyone died but Ricky, who skipped the rest of the way home and
made himself a ham sandwich..... (with 30% REAL HAM!)
And then he got angry and exploded as well, killing anything that didn't die
the first time.

Another useless story from the mind of a mongoloid.
Ash McNeill


Yet another amazing story
by: Ash

It was a freezing June evening, although it was a bit too warm to wear trousers.
Brian was sitting in his bedroom in his y-fronts, eating an ice-cream pondering the happenings of the day. He was pondering so hard, he pondered and pondered. But there was something missing in Brian's brain. Suddenly an old man burst in through the window and hit Brian right on the back of the head with a cardboard box. Brian was in shock, his head lashed forwards and buried itself in his ice-cream!! He tried to breathe but ice-cream was blocking his nostrils. Brian hurriedly tried to get oxygen but the more he struggled to get the ice-cream out of his nose the more he sniffed it up. Finally Brian passed out from lack of oxygen and superfluous amounts of ice-cream.
The old man with the cardboard box folded Brian up and sealed him inside the box.
He carried Brian out the window in the box and brought him to his lair.
At exactly 2250 hours on sunday the 4th of Spangletober, Brian awoke with his brain in a glass next to him, it was a rather large glass and an even larger brain and it slopped down the side and stuck out the top of the glass.
In came Hitler, dragging his Third Reich on the floor behind him. It was getting frayed and tatty looking. He opened a slot in Brian's head and shoved his large brain into his head.  Brian tried to sit up but quickly took note of the steel clamp holding his head down.
Hitler strode over and laid a soft and well-moisturised hand on Brian's knee. Brian noticed this as he recognised the smell from a brand of personal hygiene-products from Wal-Mart.
As Hitler ran his smoothened hand across Brian's kneecap, Brian realised that hitler was dressed like an overpaid prostitute. His hair was all teased out and his square moustache was extra squared and smoothed down with saliva and old food scraps.
Hitler leaned in to Brian's ear and whispered, "Most people don't realise that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer". Brian thought this was ridiculous. he yelled at Hitler, "I KNOW YOU SHAVE YOUR PUBIC HAIR!! I HAVE SEEN YOU! IT'S ALL OVER MY BATHROOM FLOOR YOU IMBECILE"!  Hitler took great offence to this and bit Brian right on the knee. Brian winced in pain as Hitler dug in his sharply filed teeth.  He bit deeper and deeper until he bit a large chunk off Brian's knee and put it on a small gas cooker that he pulled out of the breast pocket of his yellow shirt.
Brian screamed and lashed out but was only reassured by the steel clamps.
Hitler continued this "indecent act" and then cut the knee-part in half and fed some to his Third Reich- who was lying on the floor next to him moaning and howling like a dying dog.
After this desecration of the human body, Hitler placed a rug on the floor and perched on it in a meditative state. Brian started to sweat because he could see down Hitler's skirt and the steel clamps wouldn't let his head move and he had no where else that he could possibly look! So he was sweating. It was getting rather hot in those clamps and y-fronts. Brian was heating up too much, his skin was starting to burn slightly but the odd thing was that the steel that he was held by was starting to melt!! As the steel dripped off him like water off a duck's back, Brian sat up, and clicked his neck and put on a pair of Dickies Pants that just happened to be sitting there next to him. Hitler stood up amidst his meditation and shrieked like a child. He ran up some handy stairs to his right and locked himself outside the room.... into the windowless bathroom. Unfortunately for Hitler that particular windowless bathroom was currently aflame, someone had filled the room with body spray and lit it alight.
Brian noticed the old man with the cardboard box up a flight of stairs to his right and he picked up a piece of chocolate that was next to his foot- (Strangely!) and ran up to the old man with the cardboard box. The old man disappeared down a long corridor and Brian chased him. He felt like Alice chasing the white rabbit down the tunnel. Brian noticed pictures on the walls as he ran after this old man. Some of these pictures were words or numbers like "666" and "stab"... just random shit.
Brian noticed that he had been chasing the old man in a big circle for 16 hours and that he actually had no need to chase him and that he had ran past an exit door over 1400 times.
Brian walked over to the exit door and jumped. He landed in a big bowl of strawberry jelly (and coloured sprinkles as well) and fell asleep and lived happily ever after in strawberry Jelly Land.

The End.