sometimes I wonder.. I wonder if you truly meant what you said when you said you needed me.. I told you that it was important to me that I could self soothe myself.. it took me a practically my whole life to learn how to do that.. I told you that I’ve been hurt before, and you knew more than anyone why.. I thought you understood where I was coming from.. I told you that it took me a long time to be able to feel that I didn’t truly need anyone to make me feel happy.. and then you came along.. you told me so many things and I fell for it.. sometimes I wonder if you truly meant what you said when you told me you weren’t here to hurt me, that you would love me to the best of your abilities, that you needed me more than I knew.. in some ways I knew it was wrong what we were doing, but I’ve loved you since the day I met you.. we went thru so much, both together and apart, to get to the point where we could finally be together.. you told me that He does not bring two people together just to tear them apart.. and now we’re thousands, if not millions, of miles away.. I have soo many mixed emotions.. I’m sad when I think about how far we are from each other, when you don’t answer my texts or calls or messages.. I’m pissed off when you put on a front and make light of situations when I KNOW you are hurting just as much as I am.. pissed off that I gave you my whole heart, body, mind, and soul just for you to act this way and say those things to me.. but mostly.. when I think about you.. I can’t help but to smile and feel the most and utter peacefullness.. I miss you’re voice.. and I’m trying so hard to hold onto all the things that I loved most about you.. I fear sometimes that I will forget what you sound like, what your touch felt like, your smile, your laugh, the feeling I got when you would hold me.. regardless of what happens, I’m truly happy that I got to have you in that way, in that time, for that long, and in that place.. I will carry that with me always … I just pray that you KNOW that I still love you, and will always love you.. that’s something that will never change.. and I don’t regret any of it, regardless of the outcomes..

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